


Cold Cold Man

by cecefi



Category: Shadowrun: Hong Kong
Genre: Fluff, Other, i dont care u know what ur here for dont complain, ooc perhaps
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-17
Updated: 2019-10-17
Packaged: 2020-12-21 06:21:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,886
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21070310
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cecefi/pseuds/cecefi
Summary: racter discovers...."feelings"





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> first time posting anything tbh, some racter/seattle to ease my soul that ive only really shared with one other person. its not the best, but im here for a fun time not a academically acceptable one  
NB!Seattle

It was dark on the first floor of ship, not unusual at it was an unknown time late in the night. Racter could hear the hum of machinery, the never ending bustle of the world outside, and if he strained hard enough, the gentle lap of the ocean waves against the sides of the ship. Racter was long used to the sound of machines, it was white noise to him even a comfort at times. Meant things were working as they should, that things were safe. The harsh LED light on his wrist tech lit only what he needed, but he admitted it always cast the old ship’s interior in an eerie light.

He preferred the night to work, less distractions from the upstairs crew. Koschei was downstairs, set on idle as he would make too much noise if he tried to bring him up here. Last thing he wanted was Gobbet or Duncan waking up to bother him.

Especially Gobbet. 

The worn coffeemaker in the semi kitchen of the first floor heated up slowly. Just a late night drink to keep him going. He was on a roll with his work and he would finish tonight. Racter’s mind pondered the run from the previous day; the restaurant wasn’t his cup of tea, but the way Seattle had manipulated the chef into deliberately poisoning the guard of their target? A genuine but no less sinister grin crossed his features.

And how they dealt with the target, their coldness and cruelty, it even sent a little shiver down his spine. He personally would have let the target die if he had his way. Rooster something, he didn’t remember. A pitiful tool of a man. If he hadn’t died by the enemies hands he might have made a move himself and called it an accident. Kindly would be none the wiser. After all the target’s living wasn’t a necessary component. 

Racter found himself humming as he finished up his drink, an old song from his childhood. The name and song was overall lost to time in the future they lived in now, but it still gave him a form of comfort. Even if he learned it from his mother. 

An abrupt creak caught his attention and he froze. Sounded like it was on this floor in one of the nearby rooms. Could be someone shifting in their bunk possibly. He didn’t want to find out. Turning off the coffee maker and picking up his drink as quietly as he could he started to turn towards the hatch to his quarters. But he wasn’t alone.

There was someone in the hallway. His wrist light caught it briefly, like a camera flash. Pale, short, and thin he almost jumped as fight or flight kicked in. There was a sudden commotion downstairs, Koschei’s metal legs now on the alert and trying to get to him as fast as possible. Logic kicked in just as fast however, moving the light back a bit to study the familiar figure.

Seattle squinted back at him, dressed in a loose tank top and boxers. Putting a hand up to block the light they finally spoke. 

“Racter?”

Their voice was hoarse, painfully tired. As Racter calmed he looked closer. Along with the general dishevelment of sleep he noted the bright sheen of sweat on their skin, the dark bags under their eyes. 

Automatically Racter’s brain started to filter through his options. Like some sort of advanced flow chart he had artificially created in his brain he went through the motions. Tense or casual? What position was their mouth in? He had mastered this little deduction process years ago to tell him what others were feeling. It worked. Sometimes. 

It was the middle of the night and despite that they seemed very alert. Skin paler than usual, hands shaking. Hands shaking..?

“Hello friend, just making a midnight drink.”

Seattle just stared.

Ok that wasn’t good enough, he needed to talk more. 

“Are you alright? I see no reason for you to be up at this hour.”

Racter wasn’t the best with situations like this, best to leave this talk to others.

Seattle’s form seemed to relax just a bit.

“Had a bad dream…”

Racter almost chuckled at their tone. They sounded like a small child getting their parents up in the middle of the night for the same reason. 

“Sorry to hear that my friend, would you care for a drink as well? I have to get back to my work soon but I wouldn’t mind taking a break with you.”

An emotion passed over their face that was too fast for him to decipher but eventually they nodded. Shuffling over to him they flicked on the wall lights just for that room much to Racter’s internal dismay. He didn’t want a late night party in case anyone else woke.

Eyes still on Seattle he turned on the coffee maker again, offering them a small styrofoam cup of water in the meantime. He could still see the tension in their shoulders, in their jaw. 

“I assume you’ve been experiencing the strange dreams like others in the area?”

Another nod. They sipped the water absentmindedly but there was a pause.

“You’re not getting them?”

Shit. The gears in his brain shifted again, reacting as if he had said something wrong. He didn’t always know what he had done wrong but he knew that tone well enough. 

Racter shifted from foot to foot, pondering his response.

“I don’t dream actually. Never have.”

Another pause. 

“Oh, that’s a little weird but I suppose it’s a side effect of the-”

They gestured around their head and took another sip. Racter felt a bit of the mental pressure slip off. Seattle wasn’t bothered and that was good.

“-do you just- well what’s it like? You just close your eyes and next thing you know you’re waking up?”

Racter chuckled.

“I suppose that’s accurate. It’s my normal so I don’t know anything else. Although I’ve always been curious about dreams. If you could control them-”

He felt a little excitement pick up in his chest, the coffee now forgotten. 

“-What experiences you could live.”

Seattle’s eyes took him in what he assumed was curiosity. They set the cup down and made their way to the worn couch in the corner.

“I don’t know about that.”

They flopped onto the old pillows.

“Sometimes dreams are nice and sometimes, not so much.” 

Seattle’s following chuckle sounded empty. Racter noted the slight shake returning to their hands. The mental guidebook written in his own hand pointed to one “right” response. One he wasn’t good at but he felt obligated to try. 

“I’ve never asked the details of the collective dreams this town seems to be experiencing, you can tell me if you like?”

Seattle’s demeanor seemed to shift instantly. The shake grew stronger, although they tried to hide it under the pillows. Their eyes widened and seemed to be staring off elsewhere as Racter assumed they remembered the dream. The fear that he had asked something wrong struck him again.

“They’re…”

Seattle was shrinking before his eyes, trying to sink into the couches crevices. The fear etched into their face was obvious. Normally he relished fear on the faces of enemies for instance, or the faces of his challengers. This was different. It tugged at something new. Something foreign that disturbed and vexed him. 

He felt the urge to get closer.

“It’s horrific.... People around me warped beyond recognition, just a never ending feeling of dread and there’s just- gore everywhere teeth and flesh and its covering this city.”

Their voice had grown quiet, so quiet.

“And there’s something in the middle, something evil. It’s bigger than all of us any of our fears and goals. I can’t help but feel it’s there.”

Seattle, who just a few days prior was almost torturing and threatening a man and mercilessly killing his guards was nothing more but a shaking mess in front of him now. It was so strange, to be bothered by something as silly as a dream. Yet their wide eyes continued to just...bother him? That wasn’t the right word. Racter wasn’t sure what he was feeling. And he wasn’t sure if he liked feeling it either.

The chart in his head took in this situation but there was no proper response. He stood there uselessly as the new uncomfortable feeling poked him relentlessly. Normal people would take this time to comfort, to get close, share physical contact, and assurances. That wasn’t something he was capable of Seattle knew that. Yet at the thought of him doing so the new feeling grew insistent. 

Perhaps it was the “right” thing to do. 

Slowly he sat down next to them as carefully as he could, not too close, not too far. Seattle’s gaze seemed lost, not focusing on anything and he swore he saw a flinch as he sat down. 

“I see… If others are experiencing this similar dream perhaps there is some truth to it.”

He tugged at his sleeve awkwardly, not knowing what to do with his hands.

“If the threat is that big then it’s likely from a magical source. I apologize as I know little in that area. Have you spoke to Gobbet about it?”

“Yeah… she’s had the dreams too.”

Studying their face he still drew a blank. It made him uneasy not being able to recognize their emotion and react accordingly. As his mind buzzed on what to say next Seattle started to shift places. Easing their way out of their almost fetal position they inched closer. 

“But it’s ok you know? If others can deal with it so can I.”

They smiled at him half heartedly.

“Are you sure?”

The response was automatic but a little confusing. He had never felt this much..concern? Before. It baffled him.

“Yeah, although it would be nice to wake up to you outside again next time. Having someone to vent to makes it easier.” 

Before he could react again Seattle moved abruptly, arms wrapping around his shoulders pulling him in close. The feeling in his chest flip flopped uncomfortably, unsure of what to do. He could smell their sweat, a bit of their shampoo and aftershave. The warm skin on skin contact was so strange and he struggled to get a word out. But he remembered what others do, what’s “right”. He awkwardly returned the hug, barely touching them if possible. 

While Racter knew it only lasted a few seconds it felt like ages until Seattle pulled away, sighing and finally noticing his own expression.

“Oh shit Racter I’m sorry. I know you’re not used to that it was habit on my part.”

The mental guidebook looked through its options quickly. Eyebrows up, eyes a bit wide, corners of mouth turned down. Concern. Understandable but it still confused him. The feeling confused him his response confused him. If he was smart about it would be best to distance himself, to not encourage this change. 

“Really I’m sorry are you ok?”

Blinking a bit he nodded. Their smell still lingered in his senses not unpleasantly.

“Of course I should have expected that. It’s a normal response.”

But was his?

“Don’t worry about it my friend, if you ever have another bad dream don’t hesitate to call upon me. As you know I’m usually awake anyway.”

Usually Racter valued his free time. He knew when he wanted to work and when he wanted to talk and Seattle knew this every time he politely dismissed them from his room. But the sincerity in his own words shocked him. For once he didn’t mind stopping his work, his flow, if Seattle needed something.

“Maybeee”

They yawned, muscles untensing, eyes drooping. Why couldn’t he pull his eyes away now?

“I’ll avoid bothering you if possible, but I appreciate the offer-”

Seattle’s brown eyes met his.

“- I really do.”

Another odd sensation in his chest and he was done. That was enough. Standing up a little too quickly he grabbed his now cold coffee, trying to shake off the feeling. 

“It’s not a problem. Now I’ll leave you to it my friend, as you know-”

“-You have work to do yeah.”

He smiled softly.

“Yes, I do. Good night Seattle.”


	2. Chapter 2

“I’m sorry miss, but I have to ask that you put your...pets elsewhere.”

Gobbet frowned but complied, lifting her two rats off the long table where the crew was eating dinner. Duncan muffled a laugh as he slurped up his noodles, the warm light of the food stall reflecting off the red of his glasses. 

“This isn’t Big Texas Gob, no rats in the food this time.” Seattle took a break from their dinner give one of the rats a pet.

“If we had just stayed at the ship I could whip up something better than this, rats included.” She whispered, eyeing the glare of the stall’s chef.

It’s true Gobbet was a great cook, but the crew needed to take a break. The runs had slowed to a crawl recently and everyone was suffering from a bit of cabin fever. The stall was one of the rare eateries in the area and highly endorsed by Kindly. Despite rampant crime even the criminals of this town needed to eat.

Seattle grinned but shrugged, taking another moment to look around behind them. The cool night air was comforting, lights of boats bobbing in the distance, familiar townsfolk wrapping up their plans for the evening. Normally this city oozed danger, but with the firm hand of Kindly supporting them, no one dared test their chances with the shadowrunners. 

They frowned a little, their other guest didn’t appear to be arriving any time soon. They had invited Racter, a concept that confused their other crewmates. He was mostly antisocial and not good at casual conversation. Duncan in particular always seemed to keep a distrusting eye on the rigger if possible. Racter was in his element in a fight and in his basement room, not out having a casual get together.

Seattle couldn’t lie and say they weren’t disappointed, but Racter wasn’t obligated to join them. It would just be...nice if he did. Compared to the stress and adrenaline of runs, having a relaxing and sometimes philosophical conversation with Racter put them at ease. To say they were fond of him was a severe understatement, but they knew what they meant to him and respected his space. No matter how much it hurt them emotionally. 

A nudge jostled them out of their thoughts. 

“Psst! Take a look over there.” Gobbet had a mischievous grin on her face as elbowed them again. 

Seattle whipped their head around immediately, expecting some sort of incoming threat. Or Racter. It was neither.

A small group of about three people stood a ways from the stall, giggling and eyeing the crew. Two humans and an elf most likely. Their clothing looked way out of place, but why on Earth would tourists want to stop in this dump of a city, especially unguarded?

“Don’t make it that obvious stupid!” Gobbet hissed and Seattle turned away just as quick, embarrassed.

“I don’t know what these city folk want but they’ve certainly got an eye on you. Try and act natural!” She winked and Duncan groaned, but Seattle noted the suspicious glances he gave the group. 

Seattle just shifted awkwardly, the attention made them uncomfortable. They had had admirers in the past, romantic or otherwise, but being ogled by strangers wasn’t what they planned to experience when they came to Hong Kong. But it did make sense, with their faces and stories plastered across all news outlets could spark just as many fans as it did more enemies. 

However, why come here, a city rampant with backstabbers and violent crime? 

They froze as they felt a hand snake around their shoulders.

“Hey handsome-”

The elf was so close now and every cell in their body was on alert. They could see the two other humans still in their corner, now looking like they were overcome with laughter and delight, likely rooting for their friend. 

“I heard you’re the resident badass shadowrunner?”

Seattle heard Gobbet stifle some laughter. They took in their face and it wasn’t unattractive, but they could see the blush on their cheeks as they seemed to force out the words. Harmless, embarrassed, just like themselves. It didn’t stop their own discomfort however. They squirmed out of their grasp, trying to be polite about it.

Before they could respond a familiar mechanical sound hit their ears, then another hauntingly familiar sound. The elf’s face contorts in pain, crying out and backing up. Something warm and wet splatters on their pants. A large silver saw whirls unrelentingly into the bone and flesh of the elf’s leg, making the elf’s friends scream just as loud. Seattle’s hands reach swiftly to their weapon but their eyes followed the saw to its source.

The multiple red eyes of Koschei stared emotionlessly ahead as it ripped their limb apart, abruptly freezing after a few seconds. Everyone’s eyes were on them now as the elf wailed, their friends came to their aid after a few seconds.

“What the fuck is wrong with you!?” “They didn’t do anything they just thought you were hot how could you do this??”

The accusations kept coming as they started to drag their wounded friend away, blood spreading to the fine expensive fabric of their clothes. 

Seattle could only stare shocked, Gobbet and Duncan now on their feet hands on their weapons. Koschei..?

Finally they turned their eyes from the grizzly sight looking for the only person to control the rigger bot. 

Racter stood motionless several feet away, eyes unnaturally wide, fists clenched. Everything about his body language was off, the lowlights of the city casting eerie shadows on his sharp features. He looked…. confused? Scared? ...Angry? Racter knew his place he would never just attack someone without cause, or at least Seattle thought he wouldn’t.

Wind rustled through their area, Racter’s coat flapping in breeze. The unnatural silence was only broken by the retreating cries of pain of the elf.

Seattle took a step forward.

“Racter..?”

The name came out a lot softer than they intended but they couldn’t help it. For the first time Seattle saw brief vulnerability in his features. He was afraid. His bright eyes darted to meet theirs at the sound of his name, emotion unreadable. 

And just like that Racter turned and started away, not running, but attempting to make a swift escape. Koschei followed immediately, leaving a blood trail on the normally unstained part of the docks. Seattle couldn’t help but run after him.

They could hear the stall chef’s voice finally start speaking, then yelling. Gobbet and Duncan starting to apologize, the town crowd finally dispersing. They felt eyes on them as they ran, jumping and dodging the evening crowd. Racter had also started running. 

They stood no chance against Racter’s mechanical stamina and soon lost him in the crowd. But he would have to go home sometime, right?


	3. Chapter 3

He didn’t, at least when the crew was around. Every day Seattle would open the hatch to the basement, hoping and praying to get a whiff of that familiar Russian tobacco. For a week there was nothing, putting Seattle through more stress than they were willing to admit.

That Friday Seattle continued the routine, opening the hatch desperately. Something had changed.

They saw no glow of machinery, his few possessions were gone. Seattle jumped down onto the metal floor unceremoniously, heart rate increasing with the second. Tech ripped from the walls, tables cleared, clothes packed up. Racter was really gone. The only thing left was a handwritten note on his work table. 

They didn’t even read it, just grabbed it and scrambled back upstairs. There was one sure fire way to leave this city and they knew where. He might be gone already, their best friend gone without a trace. Racing out the door and through the docks their mind raced. It was just an accident? He had seemed fine before, hurting some rich kids wouldn’t normally bother him in fact he would likely enjoy it. 

But they couldn’t deny his behaviour had changed recently. At least Koschei’s had, especially that night a week ago. The machine was more skittish, moving to greet them when they talked, pawing the ground while they discussed more sensitive topics. They knew Koschei responded to Racter’s base desires and if it was themselves bothering them then…

Seattle pushed away the thoughts. They were friends, Racter had proven himself such many times even during these changes. And Koschei’s actions at that dinner….the attack was in their defense, even if the elf posed no threat. 

Dodging people and hoping fences the sea air bit at their skin. The faint familiar smell of tobacco... 

Rounding a final corner they spotted him and their heart leapt. They weren’t too late by some miracle.

He stood alone back to them, minus Koschei, his meager possessions in hand, coat flapping in the wind as he took a drag from his cigarette. He looked...really beautiful in moonlight by the ocean's edge.

“..Racter!”

They couldn’t stop themselves from calling out, nor stop the tremor in their voice.

He turned quickly, eyes wide just as ready to flee as he was a week ago. Koschei’s demeanor was just the opposite, metal legs moving swiftly towards them. They skidded to a stop, allowing Koschei to greet them, stopping so close them it’s legs touched theirs.

The fear of Racter’s face cleared replaced by blank determination. 

“Seattle…,”

He didn’t move closer.

“I apologize for not giving you a formal goodbye. I have to leave and return to my homeland, I believe I’ve received all I can from Hong Kong.”

Seattle recognized his false tone, how rehearsed and unemotional the words sounded.

“That’s not true, just a few weeks ago you were talking about a new project to improve Koschei with parts scavenged from a future run.”

They tried not to sound accusing, to sound angry. 

“And,”

Seattle had to reel in their increasingly distressed tone, taking more steps towards him.

“I know- well I know you say you don’t feel anything other than an intellectual friendship towards me but I care, I care about you you could at least say goodbye to me in person…”

Racter’s features shifted briefly. Pain, they could recognize, was covered up swiftly.

“I am truly sorry, I felt it best to leave on my own time, especially with the trouble I’ve caused-”

“That was an accident! Right? Maybe you were just defending me right? Even if it wasn’t necessary-”

“But I wasn’t supposed to!”

Seattle recoiled from his tone as his eyes darkened, cigarette sizzling out.

“I didn’t directly order Koschei to attack that person, he shouldn’t even be so close to you now. I can’t control him and it’s only around you.”

The last statement landed heavy on the both of them. Seattle took in the words, the barriers they put up to respect Racter starting to strain.

“Your presence makes me unstable, making me act irrationally. This can make me a danger to others and interfere with my work. I’m sorry but this is how it has to be.”

Seattle’s emotions finally boiled over. It all made sense. It almost made them want laugh aloud if not for the seriousness of his tone.

“We can still communicate of course, contact me whenever you wish through-”

“Racter?”

He paused, eyeing them with a nervous air they had never seen before.

“You and I made a promise, remember? You’d let me follow you to the new world if it were to ever happen and I still stand by that. Even if it would be harsher, crueler than ours if that’s even possible. If I was with you it would be ok.”

Seattle now stood a few feet away from him, taking in every twitch every movement of his features. Despite trying his best to put on a blank face Seattle could see the internal battle shaking his very foundations of what he thought he was capable of. 

“Please, even if you don’t feel the same way don’t break that promise. I genuinely would follow and trust you through everything.”

The next move was risky and definitely not thought through. If this were a fight it would be like running directly into line of fire with your hands up, waiting to be considered or shot down.

They took his hand. Cautiously, carefully, gently. The leather of his gloves felt nice and their heart nearly skipped a beat. They had wanted to do this for so long.

He didn’t pull away...yet.

Racter stared down at them in confusion and before he could respond the sound of metal on metal hit their ears. Koschei had started to run around wildly, no set direction or destination. Just running as if in a panic.

“Seattle...look at this I can’t-”

The warmth of his hand started to pull away. 

“No more running away Racter.”

Seattle tightened their grip. If the last move was a bad move this was a suicide mission. They straightened their posture, got up on their tippy toes and stared directly into his icy blue now vulnerable eyes.

“Tell me how this feels.”

And they planted one one kiss directly on his lips. Not too long, not too short. His lips were soft and tasted of his cigarettes not surprisingly. Racter made a noise as Koschei’s movements transitioned to that of a frenzy. Pulling away Seattle pushed away the giddiness of getting to kiss their crush and studied their friend.

The look on his face was so foreign Seattle wished they could have taken a picture. Pure shock, mixed with something else… A light blush on cheekbones they could see him almost shrinking as his other hand had moved to his chest, clutching at it tightly.

“This isn’t right..”

“Did you like it?”

“I’m not supposed to feel this way, Seattle I’m sorry-”

He was retreating, face pained and almost frightened.

They just pulled him back.

“But did you like it? Was it that bad?”

The last question lingered in their mind the most, perhaps they had gotten it wrong. That he was actually hindered by them because they had started to disgust him.

“I- I don’t know. It wasn’t...bad?”

The tone sounded defeated, but not in a bad way, they were getting somewhere. 

“Would you like me to do it again?”

Racter shook his head quickly.  
Right, if this was really the first time he felt like this he was obviously overwhelmed. They took a step back, still hand in hand, but enough to let him breathe. 

“Do you still want to leave…?”

They gave his hand a squeeze, Koschei’s movements starting to settle in the background. Their own heart pounded against their ribcage. He was so vulnerable in front of them now, like after a child’s first kiss. Any bigger push and he would shatter like glass.

“I know this is all new and I’m sorry it distressing you….but at the same time I’m happy, I’ve always sorta liked you. I just you know, pushed it to the side because I respected you so much and I was content with that.”

His form was relaxing, breathing slowing. His right fingers twitched a bit, a sign that he wanted another smoke, likely to relax him more.

“You can still leave if you want, but this isn’t a bad thing Racter I think. I’ll help you through it if you’ll let me. Baby steps ok? You can learn something from this and make it into a strength.”

Finally he nodded, still quiet, still thinking. What could he say? Feelings like this were indescribable, especially to a man who's never felt them.

“Come home with me Racter, ok?”

Another nod, now with an attempt at a sheepish smile.

He never let go of their hand the entire walk home.


	4. Chapter 4

“Look bigger to me.”

Racter looked back at the small mirror suspiciously, inspecting his pupils. 

“Here, look at me again.”

He turned back, gaze meeting Seattle’s warm brown eyes. It made the feeling in his chest grow just a bit, a feeling he was trying to get used to. Seattle’s genuine widening smile didn’t help either.

They sat downstairs on the only comfortable seating in Racter’s quarters. Seattle across from him on a smaller stool, a couple pieces of paper with scribbled notes about Racter’s responses on them. Koschei sat dormant under his desk, the warm red light of his eyes peering at the two of them curiously. Sometimes there were sounds upstairs, Gobbet or Duncan coming or going etc. Otherwise it was peaceful, every smell every surface had been overcome by him for some time. But Seattle changed that, from the objects they brought and left, the absent minded cleaning they did, their energy. It had been home before, but it was something better than that now.

“Yep, your pupils dilate when you look at me! So at the very least you do  _ like  _ me.”

Another invisible weight lifted off his shoulders and Racter sighed but gave them a begrudging smile. Another obvious sign to cross off his list. Everything was pointing to textbook infatuation despite his hesitation. Never in all his years did he expect to feel this way, he lived life happy he avoided the crippling effects of the human need to pair up.

“You know what let me try,”

Seattle snatched up the mirror, holding it by their face at eye level, looking at him with an almost cartoonish focus, then looking back at the mirror. A little twinge of anxiety hit him; Seattle had made it clear they liked him but even he was not spared the insecurity that it was all false.

“Same here,”

Another deafening smile from Seattle and another relieved sigh from himself.

“I...appreciate all this time you’ve spent with me trying to-” He gestured a bit, unable to find the right words. He struggled to find the right words a lot now.

“-Figure out this love stuff?”

A jump in his chest, an awkward smile creeping onto his face.

“Yes, love stuff. But my friend I fear that’s a bit strong of a word. All signs point to early infatuation, a “crush” in other words. Nothing too severe.”

Seattle’s expression changed. Eyebrows up, mouth corners a bit down, gaze off of him and to a vague point in the room. 

Shit. He had said something wrong.

“Yeahh, I mean you’re right…”

Seattle shrugged and Racter’s mind raced through his options. 

“I’m sorry I said something wrong didn’t I..?”

He leaned in a bit more, hands in his lap and left hand twitching a bit in need of a smoke from the anxiety.   
“No no, you’re right though. I just thought it could be something more..? Sorry I know this is all new to you and you’re trying to rationalize how you can but-”

Their smile was back but Racter could sense a fake one as good as he could fake one.

“I’ll just say that generally,” they gestured “,in the matters of romance, it’s best to not..? Trivialize it? I don’t know it just doesn’t make a partner feel that good.”

The fingers of Racter’s left hand started tapping on his knee as his other hand went to his chin as he thought it over. It made sense. Perhaps stuff like this wasn’t to be categorized, to be labeled. Feelings are...confusing. 

Koschei shifted under the desk.

“Alright, I think I understand. You’ll have to forgive me, breaking things down rationally is all I know. I’ll do my best but again, this stuff isn’t my forte. I’m having a hard time verbalizing what I’m feeling.”

Seattle nodded and after a moment tilted their head a bit, reaching out to take his tapping hand. Goosebumps flew up his arm at the touch and he had to stop his breath from hitching. This was just the second time they had done this.

“You know you always do this tapping thing when you want a smoke right? How about we take a break.”

Their half lidded eyes met his for a moment giving him another shiver. 

“Or do you want to record this emotional response as well?”

They rubbed their thumb on his wrist absentmindedly as the wheels in Racter’s brain started to catch fire. 

“M-Maybe..”

Koschei was getting restless now. 

Curse his body’s responses, curse how easily his body betrayed him. Increased heart rate, perspiration, and irrationality. He could barely fucking get a word out. It was frustrating, irritating that he couldn’t put words to it. Couldn’t shut it off. That them just holding his hand left him so vulnerable.

“I think, I think I would like to take that smoke break.”

Seattle’s hand instantly released. 

“Sorry Racter, shit… I should have asked.” 

Their worried gaze pulled at him again as his right hand grazed over where he had been touched unconsciously. The worst part is he actually wanted more.

“Listen,”

Seattle hopped off the seat, setting the papers on his desk and grabbing one cigarette from the many packs stacked neatly on one side of the surface.

“I know this is all a lot, if it’s ever too much just let me know and I’ll stop. I hope you can do the same for me.”

Racter’s took the cigarette a little too quickly and lit it, relaxing after one drag as the familiar smoke filled his lungs. He nodded slowly.

“Thank you, I appreciate that very much my friend.”

Eventually his heart slowed, tensions faded, mind cleared as Seattle gave him a little wave and started up the ladder to the upper deck.

“See you tomorrow Racter.” 

He returned the wave, offering another genuine smile.

“Rest well my friend.”

And with a soft slam they were gone, smoke filling up the room and covering their scent. Koschei had calmed and Racter turned to his desk. Seattle had been loyal keeping track of his responses. Each reaction ordered and accurate, although something could be said about their handwriting. He ordered them and filed them away in the farthest part of his only locked cabinet. He didn’t want anyone stumbling upon that.

An abrupt creak as the top hatch opened again and he almost jumped as Seattle’s head popped in.

“Hey Racter, do you think we should have a safe word?”

Racter choked on smoke and they burst out laughing, the sound of what he assumed was Gobbet’s laughter as well in a further part of the room. 

“Safe..word..?”

Racter croaked out the words, a light blush on his cheeks. But before he could become even more dismayed at the connotation those words held Seattle interrupted.

“Don’t worry about it Bossman, I’m just messing with you.”

They winked but a serious expression crossed their features briefly and they whispered.

“I am serious about before though, I’ll do my best to not upset you again ok? Now get back to work.”

And once again they were gone, his blush still burning and with the stampeding urge to smoke another cigarette looming. 

Koschei's eyes peered up at him as he pondered more.

“...Bossman?”


End file.
